Ok, a lot of us have been there. Or at least I’ll speak for myself and say there was I time when I was involved with a taken man. As I sit and dwell on this, I can’t think of one good reason or one good enough benefit I’ve gained from doing such a thing. What could be so appealing about giving all of yourself to a man that will never fully give himself to you? How could we ever be ok with being the ‘second choice’? Let’s talk about it!
Let’s start by looking at the facts. You’re likely not getting anything out of being the side chick besides a little fuel for your ego (and even if you are, it’s still not ok!). Sure, he’ll sneak to your house every so often, take you out on a date, cashapp you $20 here and there. But what else? You aren’t allowed to go to any family events (have you even met his family? His mom…..kids?), you can’t spend the night at his house, you can’t go on vacation with him and you definitely aren’t someone he admits to even dealing with (besides his homeboys, of course). So again I ask, why do we consent to this?
From a personal standpoint, when I allowed myself to deal with a taken man, I honestly just didn’t care. I didn’t care about his relationship, I didn’t care about how his woman would feel if she she were to find out, I didn’t care about the effect it may have had on his children if his infidelity proved to be the reason to break up his home…. I simply didn’t care. I dealt with him because of how it benefited me. I felt powerful because I believed he wanted me more than he wanted his own wife. My immature mind led me to think that I was something different; someone who can change him. And this is where most of us go wrong. It’s selfishness at its best.
Or perhaps you have some different reasoning. I read an article once l, a while ago, where a woman spoke of loving the idea of being with a married man. She said that she, in fact, rather be with someone in an relationship because she has never had the desire to be married, have children or sacrifice her life in any way at the expense of commitment. Being with a married man ensures that her lover is already satisfied in those areas, and gives her the freedom to enjoy him in different ways. She also stated that she would never want him to leave his wife for her, for these exact reasons. Is this a thing? Valid points (I think?) but it’s still a no for me. Maybe she could have simply, Idk… Find a single man with the same idea of having no kids and not getting married? 🤷🏽♀️
At the end of it all, of course we don’t owe anyone’s relationship anything. I know the “I don’t owe his wife any loyalty” or “why should I care about his marriage / relationship if he doesn’t” sayings are popular for us to recite, because it allows us to negotiate with our morale. It’s an easy way to convince ourselves that our decision to contribute with this type of commitment isn’t so bad.
I think what surprises me the most about being a sidechick is, you forget you’re a woman too. You forget how much it hurts to be lied to and cheated on until someone, like yourself, comes along and mingles within your relationship. She owes you no loyalty, remember? Or is it only ok for you do to it to other women, but forbidden to be done to you? The way I see it, the harder it is for a man to sway us into being their beneficial play things, the harder it would be for them to cheat. We have to heighten our standards ladies!
Men lie, we know this. They can be some of the most manipulating human beings on the planet, and sometimes, we’re the other woman without even knowing it! But those of us that know and are ok with their position, my question is WHY? Why, when you get nothing out of it (especially this!)? Why, when you know there is someone else he truly loves (despite what he tells you). Do you not believe you deserve more? Do you enjoy being the secret?
Have you ever been a side chick? Why did you consent to it? Let’s chat! Comment below!
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TYYL,
Lexi 💋
Whew you have said a mouth full. I have been in this situation before. To be honest it wasn’t because I was being spiteful or just knew he liked/loved me more than his current situation. It was because of my own insecurities. I just wanted to feel liked/loved and he was the person that showed me attention at that time. So, I took what I could get and not what I deserved.
I was a side chick for 7 years. I got nothing out of it at all. Sometimes we’re stupid for too long.
I’ve always enjoyed being the side chick, it’s excited to me. And no idc about wives nor do I worry about ever getting cheated on bc I don’t ever want to me the Main. These men will always cheat. Might as well be the side and save yourself.
What about it that’s so exciting? I know it’s not for you to worry about but you are ruining someone’s family(right along with him). I could care less about myself but I worry more so for my children. Your helping them to grow up in a one family home. You are helping them be a stereotype. It’s also just dangerous for yourself. You don’t know how many of you guys there are. There’s diseases out here so how is catching herpes exciting?
Pretty much! I never understood how a grown woman can think being a side chick is cute. It’s super sad to see women 30+ bragging on how they have the attention of another woman’s man. Like sis, are you that hard off??? Can you really not find and keep a man of your own? And like Lexi said, it’s all good until you want to settle down and it happens to you. How can you even be mad? Nah sis, keep that same energy 🤣Some women are just hilarious
Welp, this made me feel stupid 😭