Growing up, I’ve always admired the type of friendships you see in the movies. You know the kind; where there’s about 4 or 5 women, all beautiful and successful. Taking trips together or man bashing over a tall glass of wine in the backyard of their mansions… Imagine, getting through high school or college with people you just knew were going to be there with you through your entire life’s journey. You’d plan how they’d be in your wedding, how they’d be the God Parents to your children, how you’d always keep each other’s darkest secrets; BFF’s for life right?…. NOT! They’ll be weird enemy phases and ill-emotions that can’t be explained. And in a sudden, the relationship completely dries up. But why?
Truth be told, the person who was once your confidant could easily become a stranger. It hurts, but let’s face it, adult friendships aren’t easy to maintain. In my experience, here are some commons reasons why these friendships become difficult…
Your Goals , Priorities & Interests Have Changed.
Maybe you decided to start a business. Maybe you now have a family that you have to put first. Maybe you’ve grown interested in travel (amongst other things) and they remain intrigued by clubbing and hanging out. Whatever the differences may be, growth is a part of life. Who you once were may not mix well with who they still are, and that’s ok. It’s called progression! So feel free to excel, even if it means leaving some people behind.
You’re not treated like a friend
Being mishandled by those closest to you, just isn’t ok with me. If you have to beg for mutual appreciation, that’s something to pay attention to. Trips being planned without you, parties with no invite, group chats that you don’t belong to… sound familiar? If so, girl, let it go! Just like in any relationship, you deserve the same love and attentiveness that you put out. If your attempts to maintain a healthy friendship aren’t matched, is it really even a friendship at all?
The friendship didn’t start on a solid foundation
Sometimes, the reason behind a friendship matters. How did you meet? What did you have in common? Was there any real intention to build a strong friendship in the first place? Chances are, if the foundation isn’t genuine, the friendship can’t be built to last.
What I’ve learned in all of this, is to sort my relationships accordingly. Here is how I compartmentalize friendships…
The Frenemie : Judgemental, non supportive, would rather die before seeing you win, jealous….yea we know the type. I’m pretty sure we can all identify someone like this in our lives at one point or another. More than likely they want something that you have and hate you for it. Could be your children, your marriage, your award winning personality, career or good-looks. Whatever the reason, this person doesn’t want to see you at your full potential. Started a new business? Don’t count on their support... Getting married? They’ll come to the wedding, but just to talk about everything they see wrong with it… Long story short, they don’t really like you. Ditch this b*tch!
The Occasional Friend : The one you call for outings and special occasions, but really nothing more. You don’t necessarily confide in them, or at least not with anything too major. You like them, but you have a few things in common.
The Associate : You’ll speak here and there when the opportunity presents itself. You don’t really hang out with them, and they know very little (if anything at all) when it comes to your personal life. You don’t have too much in common, but when you feel like vibing with them, you will.
The Opportunist: Your friendship with an opportunist is solely based upon what you can do for them. If they don’t benefit, they don’t have a reason for the friendship to persist. Plain and simple.
The True Friend : 🎶My friends, real friends, better than your friends, yeah🎶 (in my best attempt to sound like Beyoncé)……The literal textbook definition of what a friend is, and should be. They’re loyal, honest and trustworthy. They support everything you do and always have your best interest at hand. They celebrate your victories and are NEVER jealous. They truly love you, they’re your soulmate from friendship heaven. They’re the ones you aren’t afraid to be vulnerable with because you know they’ll never judge you. The ones that aren’t afraid to tell you when you’re wrong. The ones that bounce right back after a disagreement. The ones that won’t let you walk out the house in that outfit you think is cute but you really look a mess…. THESE ARE THE FRIENDS WE LIVE FOR! A true friend will always be patient, forgiving and supportive, and you’ll work to maintain this relationship at all costs. You may not see or speak to your friend very often, but you know that this friendship is genuine, so you handle it with extreme care.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
With that being said, let’s be real here. As an adult we just don’t have to the capacity to tolerate false friendships anymore. We have careers and households to tend to now, and quite frankly, anyone who can’t offer authentic meaning to our lives are easily left in the past. We’ve learned what real friendships are, and what they aren’t. Everyone isn’t meant for us, and that’s ok! If you have one TRUE friend, consider yourself blessed. Because as we know, they’re extremely hard to come by ❤️.
What type of friend are you? How have you dealt with losing friends as an adult?
TTYL,
Lexi 💋
