I think I’ve officially become the old lady who can’t stand teenagers. Their taste in music, the obnoxiousness, the audacity, the ATTITUDES…. Everything about them makes me want to run in the opposite direction . Am I the only one?
Luckily for me though, I have newbies, (13 & 14) freshly stepping into the realms of ‘teen-ism’ and they haven’t given me any real trouble as of yet (so I don’t have any significant advice in that aspect). But I have noticed the onset of some “regular” issues, involving things such as – friendships, appearance, peer pressure and individuality. As I’ve grown, I’ve forgotten how common these problems are amongst young adults. And as a parent of teenagers for the first time, I finally understand the importance of my role. The power I have to either make or break their experiences, and their outlook on life in general. Here are a few things I do to relate better with my teen girls.
Allow Them The Freedom To Be Who They Are
Sometimes, I find myself being very picky when it comes to the things my daughters want. I’d criticize the outfits they choose to wear or their choice of hairstyle, because it isn’t to my liking. But then I quickly remember that growing up, my mother never exactly agreed with my choices either, but always gave me the space to enjoy who I wanted to be. Yup, from wanting to be a fashion designer to a musician, to a Police Officer. From the tongue ring, the bright orange hair, the platform shoes and wacky clothes. She gave me the freedom to go through those phases, and I thank her for that.
I think a lot of the time, we tend to project our own wants onto our children. Maybe try to make up for the things we wished we did or had ourselves at their age. Stop doing that! Trust that they’ll blossom into their true selves in due time. But for now, let them go through the motions of it all. How else will they ever figure themselves out if we force them to adhere to some weird guideline we set in place for them? As long as the lifestyle they choose is safe, keeps them happy and healthy, let them be! Because hey, they’re only teens! Let them enjoy it while they can.
Listen Without Judgement
They’ll be going through things. We know this because we’ve been there before. Do you remember what it was like trying to navigate through life knowing nothing about it? First heartbreak, first argument with your friend, going through the ups and downs of hating your appearance, or trying to figure out exactly who you are? It’s not easy getting through these things. So when they speak to us about what they’re dealing with, instead of minimizing, neglecting or being dismissive, I try to listen to my girls with an open mind and understanding. They’re going to be judged way more than they’d like to be throughout their lives. So try letting your experience with them be something a lot more delightful.
Connect With Them as a Friend
At some point, we have to cease being solely nurturers and disciplinarians and instead, become Mentors and Guides. As our children grow into adulthood their needs, wants and desires have changed quite a lot from when they were 5. So as they change, we should too. Connecting with them on a friendship level doesn’t mean you’re turning in your parent card (because were parents for life!), but it’s a tactical move to make if we wish for them to be comfortable talking to us and gain their trust.
Patience!
This should have been first! Patience is key!!!! Without it, there’s absolutely no way we’ll conquer parenting our teens! Like when facing every other obstacle in life, cool, calm and collected is the motto we should follow. Every time they do something to disappoint us, test us or have you feel though you just can’t take it anymore; give yourself a moment to relax, recollect and breathe. As easy as it is for us to become upset at our children (and not just the teens) we have to remember that they’re new to this too! They’re learning the world around them and mistakes come with the territory. Heck, a lot of us 30+ are still making some of the same mistakes! They aren’t as wise and mature as we’d like them to be, but that comes with time, right? So give them some grace. Practicing patience. I know, it’s not easy when you’d rather just wring their necks, but I can bet that a patient parent is a hundred times more affective than a hasty one.
Ask Your Teens What They Need
Have a conversation, it could be that simple! I often have little talks with my daughters in regards to what they need from me or their dad. Things they would like us to do or not do. Things that would ease their growing pains a little. You’d be surprised at what they tell you! If your children are comfortable enough to have these “hard” conversations with you, you’re already doing something right. I take pride in knowing that my girls are ok with coming to me with whatever issues they may have, whether involving me me or otherwise. If they can’t trust us, who can they trust? You might even learn things about each other that you never knew! So go ahead, have a little chat. I’m sure it’ll benefit everyone.
Do you relate well with your teen? If you have troubled teens, what steps do you take to minimize problems? What do you think we can do better as parents to ensure that our children have the best experiences growing up? Let’s chat! Leave a comment below!
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TTYL,
Lexi 💋
