The night before my daughter, Jordyn, left for Spain, I barely slept. Not because she wasn’t ready, but because I wasn’t. I kept thinking about how far “across the ocean” really is, how I wouldn’t be able to reach her in a moment, and how this was one of those quiet milestones no one prepares you for as a parent. It wasn’t just a trip… it was the first time we’d be away from each other for long. The first time she wouldn’t have me RIGHT THERE if she needed me in an instant. The first time I had to trust that she’d be safe, no matter how I felt about her leaving. Because, can we even really use faith and fear in the same sentence.
It probably hit me even harder because this wasn’t just any trip; it was her senior class trip. You know, the one they’ve been waiting on all year… the one that naggingly reminds you your baby isn’t really a baby anymore. A whole celebration of her finishing this chapter of life, and somehow ending up in Spain without me. Growth for her… character development for me, I guess 😒.
In the days leading up to her departure, I was doing what I do best, being extra. Double-checking her suitcase like TSA personally hired me, reminding her of things she’s known since middle school, and asking the same question in five different ways just to feel in control. Meanwhile, she’s relaxed, excited, and ready to go like, “Mom… I got it.” And I’m like… do you though?? Because how do you truly have anything without….me??
The day she left, I tried to play it cool. I gave my standard mom speech; text me when you land, stay with your group, don’t talk to strangers (even though technically everyone over there is a stranger, but ok, whatever). Underneath all of that was my real message: God, please cover my baby, because clearly I cannot get on this plane with her. And Lord knows I’m this 🤏🏾 close to buying a ticket for myself (no, seriously, I really was).
The plan was this: all students would meet at the school with their families, to be taken to the airport by bus. Ok, fine, but me being who I am, I couldn’t just let her go that easily. So I followed the bus to the airport to see her off the proper way. Annoying? Yes.. do I care? Absolutely not.
Watching her walk away with her friends, laughing and not even slightly stressed, I had one of those proud-but-sick moments. Like, wow, look at her… and also wow, I hate this a little bit. Because as excited as I was for her to be doing this, I also realized I was being forced – very rudely, might I add – into a new level of letting go.
The week was torture. My phone and I were in a committed relationship. Every text, every picture, every “I’m good” notification brought me peace. But let her take a little too long to respond? Now I’m spiraling and in full panic mode. I had to keep reminding myself: she’s covered, she’s capable, and she’s out here living an experience I would never want to take away from her… even if my nerves were trying to convince me otherwise.
I clung to every 5 min conversation we had every so often, before she tells me she had to go. I looked forward to her texts and updates about what she’d done for the day and how much fun she’s been having. The food, the culture, the time with friends; in the back of my mind, I was just so happy and excited for her.
When she finally returned, I don’t even think she realized how tight I hugged her. I was trying to act normal, like, “Heyyy, how was your trip?”… but internally I was like thank you, Jesus, she’s home in one piece. And her little sister? She was even happier to see her. She cried the instant she saw her get off that bus.
The crazier part is, she came back different, but in the best way. More confident, more independent, full of stories I wasn’t there for. Talking about places she visited, things she tried, little moments with her friends… and I just sat there listening like, wow, she really did that, all on her own.
It made me realize something I wasn’t fully ready to admit: this is what we raise them for. Not to stay close to us forever, not to need us for every little thing, but to go out into the world, experience life, and come back with their own stories to tell. And as hard as that is, it’s also something for me to be extremely proud of.
I’m still me, though, don’t get it twisted. I’m always going to worry a little, always going to ask a few extra questions, always going to say “text me when you get there” no matter how old she gets. But this experience showed me that letting go doesn’t mean losing connection. It just means trusting that what you’ve poured into her is strong enough to carry her when I’m not around. And if I’m being honest, I’m still growing through it. Still learning how to release control, still learning how to trust God a little deeper when it comes to my children. But this was a step… for both of us.
Trip Details
The entire trip was hosted by EF Educational Tours. For a little over 4k (not including spending money), Jordyn got to spend the week touring and learning a lot about Spain and Europe in general. The entire itinerary was fully planned out with meals and accommodations included. She learned how to prepare traditional dishes, toured homes, visited a Cathedral, and so much more. In my opinion, it was for sure worth every penny.
Prayer
I’m learning the power of prayer in ALL situations. Here’s the prayer I said over Jordyn before she left, and said on repeat until she returned:
Heavenly Father,
I come to You with a mother’s heart, full of love and trust. Thank You for blessing me with my daughter and for the opportunity she has to travel, learn, and experience the world.
Lord, I place her in Your hands completely. Cover her with Your protection from the moment she leaves home until the moment she returns. Be her shield in every place she goes—on the plane, in the streets, in her lodging, and among every person she encounters.
Surround her with Your angels, guarding her from harm, danger, and any evil. Give her wisdom in her decisions, awareness of her surroundings, and peace in her spirit. Let her feel Your presence so strongly that she walks in confidence, not fear.
Father, protect her health, her mind, and her body. Keep her safe in travel, keep her safe in rest, and keep her safe in every activity. Let her be surrounded by good people, responsible leaders, and trustworthy friends.
Calm my heart as well, Lord. When worry tries to rise, replace it with faith. Remind me that You love her even more than I do, and that she is never outside of Your care.
Bring her back home safely, full of joy, memories, and growth.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Has your child ever traveled a great distance without you? How did you handle it? Or am I the only one out here going legit psycho when my child isn’t around? 😅
Let’s chat 💬. Leave a comment below!
TTYL,
Lexi 💋
